Various thoughts
Twenty two years, twenty two full orbits around the sun. 8035 days of existance. Enough time has passed since my exact date of birth I can write about it. One of the gifts I recived was a crucifix, rosary beads and a 1560 Geneva Bible. It's been my favourite birthday I've had in recent memory, even while no longer having a romantic partner. My relationship with God has strengthened in the past few years as I've caried my cross and suffered the way of a righteous man and for it I come out the other side feeling better than I ever have before. Ave Christus Rex -4/23/24
I've been drinking a fair bit again, I know it's not good for me but living moment to moment it's hard to ignore its temporary alleviation of anguish. I'm not much concerned about being a proper industrious worker for society anymore, as I fear I'm losing my mind. I don't hear things often enough to really bother me, but enough to take note. No visual hallucinations yet but voices and songs yes, it's how I learned to write lyrics was hearing a song in my left ear only, or hearing voices yell to turn off music if I play it while I shower, even when no one is home. I dont play music in the shower much anymore. As of finishing up this brief post I'm deciding what record to put on while I drink and smoke. If anyone bothers to read these let me know in the guestbook -4/6/24
Sorry for being afk for a while, just been dealing with life and how things are. I've gotten a little better with my anxiety but it's mostly just been replaced with feeling detached alone robotic or otherwise just..not right. I don't talk to many people my Mum and rarely hear from the 3 friends I have, I just wish I had a friend who was into computers, history machines or anything we share a intrest in and can talk whenever. This entry has mostly been a stream of conciousness rant from how I'm feeling. -3/31/24
One of my favourite snacks (that I'm currently enjoying while typing out this entry) Is thin sliced fresh baguette with thin sliced spicy pepperete and some ground salt! It's a very simple meal or snack but its actually really good and a very cheap meal. If you live like me you can eat one meal a day and a single baguette and spicy pepperete is less than $5 not too bad if you ask me, although some may want or "need" more food in a day I just am not the biggest fan of eating even if I like to cook -3/22/24
One thing I think people may notice about me but not comment truthfully is the :) scars I carved into my wrists. I understand the cultural taboo behind self harm and all that but I just enjoy the two smiley faces I have on both my wrists for some reason it does make me happy looking at them and somewhat grounds me to my body instead of feeling just like a brain trapped inside a skull. I hope it doesn't fade I made them deeper and wider than ones just for the chemical rush/release where those have all but faded. I dont know if this entry will Isolate me further but I don't really talk to anyone anymore so its not much different. Im unsure if these entries will be read let alone thought deeply on by anyone, only time will tell I suppose. -3/19/24
I found a old book my dad used while in Japan, it's a phrase book with common phrases all colour coded by how you would use them and printed in Romaji and Hiragana. I found the coolest section to be diagrams of a motorbike, car and bicycle with the parts labeled! Would be super useful if you we're renting in Japan. The book is also a little dated as it still has phrases to ask about smoking sections and cassette tapes, but I like that its the same book my dad used in Japan many many years ago with it's coffee or tea stains. -3/17/24
I used to think that the contrails from jets were actually Soviet missiles or icbms, and that we were still in the cold war. Many years later I do think the cold war never really ended we still wage proxy battles and economic wars. -3/14/24
I've been considering making an email for this website as a way for anyone curious enough to contact me. I don't have any features coded for anyone to leave feedback yet, so I've added a guestbook! you can find it on my homepage! -3/12/24
Been a fair few days since I've updated my site, mostly because of a lack of anything noteworthy. Aside from painting and smoking I haven't done much. Everyday feels much the same and I havent much of anyone I talk to on a regular basis, I wish I had a understanding of why I'm like the way I am nurture or nature? I can't even tell if I'm actually mentally ill I don't notice it myself asides from how im feeling in the moment compared to how others usally react, that and hearing things occasionally and generaly being not exactly interested in the human experience and desire to live and all that stuff, I just know my death would inconvenience my family. -3/10/24
My therapist ended our sessions after concluding it was of no benefit to me or had any affect on me. I'm not sure if I'm crazy or the world is, I don't think the odds are in my favour. -3/4/24
It's true! The Internet is shrinking. The amount of websites being made has dropped in the past decade or two. Even less of those websites being personal websites, most just settle for making a facebook account. I hope to see people make their own websites again, help stop the internet from shrinking! Build your own website! Run Linux! -3/2/24
Go Back
